I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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