This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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