Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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