thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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