38 yer olds are good kisserssss
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
