May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
