Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
