The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
