he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
