i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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