I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
