I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
