K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
