Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
