You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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