Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
