Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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