I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got inside last night via doggy door
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
