I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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