you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
