is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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