Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
