He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
