There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
