My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You can't motorboat a personality
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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