I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
