It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
