Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
