Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
