we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
