Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
