i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
