I don't usually arrange sex via text message
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize