Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
