I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
