First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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