Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
