I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
