The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
