update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
