Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize