Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
