Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
