I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My life is pants optional.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
