you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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