I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
