We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
