i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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