Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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