She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
