Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
