halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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