if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
