if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize