It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
