I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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