Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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