you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
