She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
