it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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