Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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