nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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