SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
